Upsides of the downside

Hatchet
By Lucas Roebuck

First of all, while I am pretty confident the recently enacted stimulus legislation will not be the cause of a resurgent American economy, I hope I am wrong. May the stimulus bring untold prosperity to America, that we may pay off the new debt of $1 trillion worth of principal and interest quickly, so that we do not fill the economic galoshes of our children with proverbial cement and toss them into the nearest financial lake.

I truly hope President Obama succeeds in bringing abundant health to our economy in spite of himself.

Now that I have that confessional out of the way, let's talk about what happens if the economy doesn't turn around under Obama's watch. Are there any upsides to a continued downside in a post-stimulated world? For Obama's and the Democrat-controlled Congress' enemies, absolutely! Even the politically disconnected American can find silver linings in the downturn cloud.

Let's look at how conservatives and Republicans politically benefit:

1. The stimulus bill is a - forgive the crassness - crap sandwich, and the American people don't like having crap shoved down their throats. The votes of three RINO senators aside, the Democrats own this crap sandwich.

Even if the economy turns around, the Democrats are not going to be punished in hundreds of House races and a few Senate races in 2010 for the nonstimulus spending in the bill. There is enough "pork" in the bill to make dozens of zinger commercials. Something like: "Your Democratic representative voted to force your children to pay hundreds of millions for condoms is the stimulus bill. Don't like borrowing billions for government waste? Vote Republican." Or even better: "Do you know what we paid for in the $1 trillion stimulus bill? Neither did your Democratic representative when she voted for it. Why should we pay her six figures to sign off on wasteful bills she doesn't read? Vote Republican instead." This stuff really writes itself.

The only way the Democrats avoid a political fallout in 2010 is if everyone who is underwater on their mortgages is suddenly back in the chips and the Dow is back over 14,000. If there is no significant turnaround, the Democrats could see their congressional gains in 2006 and 2008 erased.

Writes Roll Call's Stuart Rothenberg, "The underlying weakness in the economy, and the crucial growing pessimism both in financial circles and the country at large, will certainly take a political toll on some officeholders in the near term. The public will want its scapegoat before the end of the year if no economic turnaround appears."

2. Economy-killing carbon-cap scams are off the table for now. The left-wingers in America, who now own the Democratic Party, have always used scare-mongering to try to push their "progress." Global warming alarmism was the scare de jour when the good times were rolling, as Kyotoinspired cap-and-trade scams which would kill the economy were being pushed by Al Gore and his minions.

The Obama administration is going to be friendly to the climate change alarmists, but even though the great scientific consensus has told Obama he has four years to fix the carbon problem or else we can kiss this world goodbye, Obama is likely not going to implement any crazy cap-and-trade carbon policy. Why? Because Obama doesn't need global warming to scare people into submitting to his will; he has the bad economy.

Trust me, Obama is going to work to fix the economy before he "saves" the Earth from global warming. "Saving" the Earth Gore-style will certainly hurt the economy. So conservatives can take comfort from this bright spot in a bad economy: At least we don't have to be force-fed global warming crap along with stimulus crap.

3. Because no economy in the world has escaped the suffering, the recession is not an indictment of American-style capitalism. World economies of all sorts are feeling the pain. Socialist Europe, communist China and even totalitarian Russia are getting squeezed. When the economy first started tanking, left-wing journalists starting writing obituaries for capitalism. Now that we see that the whole economic world is burning, we know those obits are premature.

4. Housing is affordable again. I submit that bubble bursting is, in the long run, good for America. In the past decade we've seen two very unhealthy bubbles: tech and housing. Now we know that the sooner the bubbles burst, the better. Housing prices were unsustainable. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together knew that. Young people starting out in life with two incomes weren't even able to afford to buy a meager house in many parts of America. Now housing prices are much more reasonable.

5. Oil prices make sense again. The slowing economy has crimped demand for oil, causing supply to build up and prices to drop. Amazing how the laws of supply and demand seem to correct them. If the economy had never tanked, gas would still be north of $4 a gallon and we'd still be shipping billions of dollars to Middle Eastern nations to help fund their proxy wars against us.

6. Wal-Mart is cool again. I've always been a Wal-Mart fan, and hated to see the smiley face so maligned during much of the good times of the middle Bush years. The company suffered from a negative PR campaign by its union and other left-wing enemies during the good times. Target was wired; Wal-Mart tired. Funny thing about hard economic times - they force people to drop the bull and look at the fundamental truths. In this case, Wal-Mart's "evil" ways help make the necessities of life cheaper. The message hasn't been lost on America, which has helped the retailer enjoy record sales.

Wal-Mart's savings is also bipartisan. They'll take your business if you are a Democrat or a Republican. And better yet, the sort of help Wal-Mart is giving Americans doesn't cost the taxpayer a dime of bailout or stimulus borrowed money.

Lucas Roebuck is a former managing editor for the Northwest Arkansas Times and the Siloam Springs Herald-Leader.